Son of Plastic Removable Planet: The Revenge!

15 Actual Search Engine Terms That Brought Readers to This Blog, Where They Probably Didn’t Find What They Were Looking For

1. “kick ass costume”
Not too long ago, I decided to check out my “Search Engine Terms” page, a handy WordPress feature that shows you at a glance what words and phrases readers are using to find your blog. Surprisingly, “kick ass costume” — as opposed to, say, “Spider-Man” or “Super Friends” — is the most common search term bringing people to this blog, probably because so many people out there are into cosplay, intent on starting their Halloween search really early this year, or looking for the right attire for going out and kicking ass. Whatever their reasons, I’m sorry to say that my site only offers a photo from the Kick-Ass movie as part of a list detailing the reasons why we don’t see more superheroes in real life, so I apologize in advance to all those in search of fighting gear or next October’s costume sensation.

2. “multi arm villains”
I’ve stared at this phrase for a whole five, six minutes now, and I’m still baffled as to what this particular person was searching for. Obviously, the reference to Doc Ock on my list of Spider-Man villains with animal codenames was the reason my blog got “pinged” for this one… but why in heaven’s name would anyone search for multi-arm villains in general? A fetish fulfillment? A bar bet? A competing blog with even more esoteric comic-based lists than mine? A fetishist of said blogs?

3. “if this be treason”
My sincerest apologies also go out to any history buffs in search of the revolutionary writings of Patrick Henry — or this blog, which I have to say is rather well-written — and ending up at my silly little corner of the universe. Deceiving liberal-minded folk or fans of U.S. history was not my intent when I put together a list of 1960s Marvel story titles that began with “If.” If this be you… then I heartily apologize.

4. “sorority boys theme song listen”
That’s the hazard of randomly mentioning pop-culture ephemera on a page like this; in my list of actors with multiple superhero animation credits, I noted with a wink that Michael Rosenbaum (“Smallville’s” Lex Luthor and the voice of Flash on “Justice League”) was best known for his role in the cross-dressing Sorority Boys comedy. I’ve never seen the film or heard its theme song, so I can’t comment on the aesthetic value of either, but my apologies again for leading that lone searcher astray.

5. “dispensible movie”
In truth, I named this blog A Dispensable List of Comic Book Lists to emphasize the fact that it isn’t concerned with anything remotely vital to life or liberty — it’s just a haphazard collection of comic-based lists I’ve been carrying in my head for years and wanted to share with others before senility kicked in. So I mean it when I say I have no idea what “dispensible movie” means or why someone is looking for it — I looked it up at the Internet Movie Database and the closest I could find was The Indispensable Sinner, a 1971 Bulgarian film that probably involves sinning in some way. Not that I’m suggesting Bulgarians are any more prone to sinning than the rest of us.

6-7. “does a professor ever fall in love with”  “how much did it cost to build the 1960s”
At this point, I start to wonder if my search engine log is lopping off words at the end of peoples’ searches, because otherwise these two make no sense. Does a professor ever fall in love with… a student? another professor? the sound of his own voice? All of the above is possible, especially within the pages of a comic book. As for how much it cost to build the 1960s… I’m pretty sure actual decades come ready-made, though I’m willing to entertain alternative viewpoints on the issue.

8. “lists of masked comic book vigilantes”
Um… you want to maybe narrow down those search parameters a bit?

9. “destruction geography the blame”
OK, now we go from mildly confusing to downright alarming. I’m pretty sure this search request sent someone my way because of my list of cities and locations destroyed or damaged by comic-book events, but I doubt that’s what this one searcher was looking for. Perhaps it’s a budding environmentalist looking for someone to blame for the destruction of our precious geography? Or maybe a random sociopath looking to branch out with acts of destruction on a geographical scale? I’d prefer not to know.

10. “plastic removable planet”
Yeah, if this one even remotely makes sense to anyone, give me a call. Although I will admit it’s a catchy name for a ska band or improv comedy troupe.

11. “wonder woman” “weak” “pathetic”
Whoa, now. I’m pretty easygoing when it comes to what other people search for/do/commit unspeakable acts with in their spare time, but this is beyond the pale. Any sentence in which “Wonder Woman” appears alongside “weak” or “pathetic” should not be entertained — unless we’re talking about the weak and pathetic Rogues Gallery our girl has been forced to put up with over the decades because… yeah, no kidding.

12. “five plot devices that have dramatic ten”
Huh?

13. “comic japanese egg fu”
This is one searcher who definitely found what they were looking for, assuming they were looking for information on the horribly racist Egg Fu character that pit his cholesterol-laden might against Wonder Woman back in the ’60s. And if coming to my blog helps this person understand that we’re talking about a horribly racist Chinese stereotype, and not a horribly racist Japanese stereotype — well, then I think my work here is done.

14. “zgruppp”
Incredibly, not one but two people were brought to my blog because they were looking for this completely nonsensical word, which just happens to appear on my list of 87 sound effects from the “Batman” TV show. I want to meet these people. I’m feeling a sense of community I haven’t felt since I discovered eBay and realized I wasn’t the only one willing to shell out actual currency for Super Powers action figures.

15. “giganta barefoot”
No comment.

 

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