“I’ll Prepare Your Usual Breakfast: Toast, Coffee, Bandages.”

22 Indelible Quotes by Alfred Pennyworth (as Voiced by Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.) 

efrem_zimbalist  alfred-batmanTAS
And so we say goodbye to Efrem Zimbalist, Jr., star of such shows as The FBI and 77 Sunset Strip, as well as dozens of other film, television and stage appearances over his 60-year career.

But for a generation of TV addicts like me, he’ll always be known as the voice of Alfred Pennyworth in the DC animated universe, first in Batman: The Animated Series and later in The New Batman AdventuresJustice League, Static Shock, and a few Batman direct-to-video films. (Not playing favorites between Marvel and DC, he also did the voice for Doc Ock in the 1994 Spider-Man series on Fox.)

In honour of the man, here are a few of his more memorable lines as the gentleman’s gentleman to Bruce Wayne:


[Batman brings a “Joker fish” into the Batcave to dissect it.]
Alfred Pennyworth: Dining in tonight, sir?
Batman: The dissection tray, please, Alfred.

– The Laughing Fish

Wally West: Hey, that’s a giant dinosaur!
Alfred Pennyworth: And I thought Batman was the detective.

– Justice League, “Starcrossed”

[As Zatanna appears on stage, Bruce and Alfred are in the audience]
Alfred Pennyworth: How long has it been? Ten years, twelve?
Bruce Wayne: And a whole other lifetime.
Alfred Pennyworth: She and her father were very fond of you.
Bruce Wayne: I was a different person then.
Alfred Pennyworth: Yes. Intense, driven, moody… she’d never recognize you now.

– Zatanna 

[Batman sneezes and wipes his nose while working; Alfred hands him a handkerchief] 
Alfred Pennyworth: With all those compartments on your belt, you’d think there would be one for tissues.

– Heart of Ice

[Batman makes an emergency landing with the Batwing]
Alfred Pennyworth: This is coming out of your allowance, Master Bruce.

– The Ultimate Thrill

Barbara Gordon: [as she descends into the Batcave] Oh, my God.
Alfred Pennyworth: Master Bruce, I — [notices Barbara] Ms. Gordon, I uh, see you’ve discovered our little secret. Yes, I admit it, I am Batman.
Bruce Wayne: It’s all right, Alfred.
Alfred Pennyworth: Very good, sir.

– Old Wounds

[Hawkgirl is awaiting news of her status with the Justice League after the Thanagarian invasion revealed her true purpose in coming to Earth] 
Shayera Hol: They’ve been in there a long time.
Alfred Pennyworth: Yes, Miss, they have. If I may be so bold… I’m neither a superhero nor a soldier, so I’m hardly qualified to judge your actions by those standards. But I do know this: without the great sacrifices you’ve made, we wouldn’t be here to share this nice pot of tea. Whatever they decide in that room, in my eyes, you’ll always be a hero.

– Justice League, “Starcrossed”

[After Selina Kyle is released from custody, Bruce expresses reservations about seeing her again]
Alfred Pennyworth: But I thought you’d grown quite fond of her. And I’d assumed the feeling was mutual…
Bruce Wayne: It’s not that simple, Alfred. She’s in love with Batman.
Alfred Pennyworth: Oh, dear. These modern relationships are entirely too complicated for me.

– Cat Scratch Fever

Batman: You think you know everything about me, don’t you?
Alfred Pennyworth: I diapered your bottom. I bloody well ought to, sir!”

– Batman: Mask of the Phantasm

Bruce Wayne: The last thing Gotham City needs is a vigilante running amok.
Alfred Pennyworth: As they say on the streets, “I ain’t touchin’ that one.”

– Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman

Batman: Reports of a huge bat creature the size of a man. Remind you of anybody?
Alfred: Present company excluded?

– Terror in the Sky

Alfred: Sounds as if the human race could become quite expendable. Except for butlers, of course.
Batman: Of course.

– Heart of Steel

Alfred: We are speaking of the same person, are we not? Harvey Bullock? The detective who looks like an unmade bed?

– A Bullet For Bullock

Alfred: [to Dick while he’s doing gymnastics in the Batcave] I do wish you’d put on a shirt. You’re going to catch a cold from this damp cave.

 – The Lion and the Unicorn

[Alfred breaks a chair over a thug’s head]
Robin: And here all I thought you dusted was furniture.
Alfred: A Louis Quinze. What a pity.

 – The Lion and the Unicorn

Arthur Reeves: [on TV] What kind of city are we running when we depend on the support of a potential madman?
Alfred [to Batman]: What rot, sir! Why, you’re the very model of sanity. Oh, by the way, I pressed your tights and put away your exploding gas balls.

– Batman: Mask of the Phantasm

Alfred Pennyworth: There are certain advantages to having a sturdy cranium, Master Bruce. But then, hardheadedness was always your virtue.

– Batman: Mask of the Phantasm

Alfred Pennyworth: Dare we hope that Gotham treats you to an early evening, sir?
Batman: I should be so lucky. The police emergency band just switched on.
Alfred Pennyworth: Then I’ll prepare your usual breakfast: toast, coffee, bandages.

– Mad as a Hatter

[After arriving at a casino decked out to look like the Joker, complete with giant rotating Joker head]
Alfred Pennyworth: I didn’t mind driving up here at a moment’s notice to bring your outfit, and I was more than happy to dream up a plausible excuse for your date. But staying in this horrid place pushes even my tolerance.

– Joker’s Wild

[Batman views pictures of Harley and Ivy’s mug shots, then various photos of them in the middle of heists]
Alfred Pennyworth: Choosing a weekend date, sir?

– Harley and Ivy

[Bruce and Alfred are searching the archives at the film library]
Bruce Wayne: So many actors…
Alfred Pennyworth: I wish I could be of more use, sir, but I don’t watch television. I prefer my fireplace.

– Beware the Gray Ghost

Robin: Thank you, Alfred. I don’t know what we would do without you.
Alfred Pennyworth: Frankly, neither do I.

– Batman: Sub-Zero

 

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