More Stylin’ Than a… Um, Stylish Locomotive?

14 Thoughts I Had While Wearing This T-Shirt, Currently in the Running for The Best Present a Son-in-Law Ever Received

superman-shirt
1. Wow, looking good. Maybe I don’t need to do those extra sit-ups, after all.

2. Yes, I wore this on Canada Day. Why? Because Joe Shuster was born in Toronto, that’s why. That makes the Last Son of Krypton half-Canadian… and didn’t we always sort of suspected that, the way he was so polite all the time?

3. Also? The Daily Planet was originally called the The Daily Star, and Shuster based Clark Kent’s place of employment on The Toronto Star. Look it up, people.

4. And did you also know Joe Shuster’s cousin was Frank Shuster of the legendary Wayne & Shuster comedy duo? “If I wanted two, I’d ask for them.” Ha!

5. Okay, so if he’s always wearing his blue costume underneath his white dress shirts, wouldn’t the colors show through?

6. And where would the cape have gone? You can’t tell me a big piece of cloth like that wouldn’t have bunched up in the back.

7. As much as I like wearing this shirt and seeing the reactions I get, I almost don’t want to because wearing it means I’ll have to wash it, and that might fade the colors. Superman never went out in public in a faded outfit.

8. Come to think of it, how did Superman deal with his laundry? I know in the old stories, they said his costume was made from his Kryptonian baby blankets — which is weird on so many levels — and then for a while they came up with some “he has a super-aura that keeps dirt from clinging to his clothes” excuse for why he never got dirty. But did that magic aura also repel his own sweat? Are Earth detergents powerful enough to get rid of Superman’s super-pit stains?

9. Wait, did Superman ever sweat? Probably not, since he can fly through suns no problem. So how did he address situations where everyone else in the room was sweating a lot but not Clark Kent? Did he just not go out as Clark Kent during heat waves? Did he avoid saunas and gyms?

10. Why did Superman always wear his costume underneath his clothes? Sure, he doesn’t sweat and it wouldn’t be uncomfortable for him to wear layers in the summer, but he couldn’t have spent his whole life in a three-piece suit. He’s as fast as the Flash, for crying out loud — why not just keep his suit hung up in his apartment and zoom back at super-speed to retrieve it whenever danger called, and then be back on the scene in half a nano-second?

11. Speaking of the Flash, why didn’t Superman ever get his Justice League buddy to whip him up one of those rings that can hold an entire outfit inside a special compartment? Maybe Superman isn’t keen on the bling?

12. So, the new costume in Man of Steel that’s all dark and textured and raised ridges and stuff… are we going to get an iconic scene in the next Superman movie that shows Cavill ripping off his dress shirt and presenting his “S” for the camera? Because that would be really stupid. Not as stupid as the climax in Man of Steel, maybe, but still pretty stupid.

13. Heh, I just noticed this: the way my left hand is positioned, it looks like my finger is behind a loosened necktie that appears to be actually there. It’s all drawings on a shirt, people — nothin’ more.

14. Say… what if I really was Superman and wearing this shirt was my way of totally messing with people, like that time Peter Parker went to a Halloween party dressed as Spider-Man? Meh, no one would ever buy me as Superman — let’s just say my days of sporting a forehead curl are long behind me.

 

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