Making the Grade: Who’s Who Update ’88, Vol. 2

whoswho-update88-vol2

Read my lips, no new taxes! Uh… I mean, it’s time to go back in time with another instalment of Making the Grade: Who’s Who Update ’88. This week: Volume 2, from Icemaiden to Nightwing. 

Ty Templeton once again does the honors, giving us a group shot of everyone standing and cavorting on various floating circular thingies. It’s… kind of weird, to be honest, and I’m not sure if they were going for some kind of thematic tie-in with one of the featured characters. Mister Miracle travels by hover-discs, I suppose, but he’s only on the cover because he was in the Justice League line-up at the time.

This also explains Batman’s presence in the coveted centre-stage spot, which I think is just a teensy bit of false advertising. Then again, who the hell are they supposed to put there to grab readers? Karma? Neptune Perkins? Little Boy Blue? Seriously, fuck those guys.   

I’m a bit pressed for time this week, so the good news is you’re all spared my usual long-winded thoughts on each character. But fear not! In the spirit of the Webby Awards, I will try to capture the raw essence of each entry in just five words. Will I amaze the masses with my brilliant conciseness, or fail horribly in the attempt? Let’s find out! 

Onward!

whoswho-update88-icemaiden
Icemaiden
Hired for her “courage.” Uh-huh. C+

Iron Munro
Who names a kid “Abednego”? C-

Joker
“Why so serious?” Got me. A+

JLI Embassy Building
“Linen closet,” you say? Swanky! B

Justice League International
Giffen + DeMatteis + Templeton = pure heaven. A-

whoswho-update88-karma
Karma
Fonzie with a Mohawk. Yeesh. D

KGBeast
Buried alive, Bats? Not cool. B-

Lex Luthor
Magnificent bastard through and through. A

Little Boy Blue
Sweet Jesus in a Cuisinart. D-

Lodestone
Magnetic? Yep. Magnetic personality? Ehhhhh… C-

Lords of Order and Chaos
Well, that shows imagination. Not. D+

whoswho-update88-lorilemaris
Lori Lemaris
No clamshell brassieres here, buster! C+

Major Force
Hey, it’s everyone’s favorite super-asshole! D

Manga Khan
Only good for “KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!” joke. D

Manhunter III
Superhero bounty hunter? Makes sense. B+

Manhunters 
“No man escapes…” etc. Zzzzzzzzzzz…. D

Martian Manhunter
Badger did you wrong, J’onn. B+

whoswho-update88-midnight
Midnight
“Eisner’s lawyer on Line 1…” D

Miss America
Transmuting powers + gams = oh my. B

Mr. Mxyzptlk
Awesome, but why the derby? A

Mordru
Magical ass kicked by teenagers. C-

Negative Man
Did any original DPer die…? C-

Nemesis
Archer totally stole his turtleneck. C

Neptune Perkins
Nazis, aliens, Titanic — the hell? D

whoswho-update88-newguardians
New Guardians
HA HA HA HA HO HO HO HEE HEE SNICKER SNORT BWHA HA HA HA…

Oh sweet God they’re serious. F

Newsboy Legion
Leave Kirby be, guys. Jeez. D

Nightshade
Who names siblings “Larry,” “Eve”…? C

Nightwing
Why the midget-like proportions, Pérez? C

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