14+ Actual Search Engine Terms That Brought Readers to This Blog, Where They Probably Didn’t Find What They Were Looking For
1+. spank / spanking / spanking comic / adult spanking comics / spank cartoon / spanking cartoon / spank comic / comic spanking / comic book spankings / comic book spanking / comic books spanking / superheroes getting spanked / spanking in comic books / spanked / spanking in comics / archie andrews spanked / kids getting spanked / super heroine spanking comics / superhero spanking / veronica lodge spanked / cartoon boys getting spanked / girls getting spanked / superman punish me daddy i deserve it / comic strip spankings of justice league herions/ spanking richie rich / comicbook list spanking / donald duck spank / neighbour spanking comic book / baetmann spank / little archie spanked / wonder woman spank / men getting spanked picture stories / superman spank comics / star wars spanking cartoon / superman spankings / spank the animation / spanking pic / jor-el spanking superman /marvel cartoons spanked / comic style spanking / dad spanks girl comic / spanking toons fantastic / archie’s dad spanks him with hairbrush / spanking in uk comics / spanking over his knee images / spanking funny / disciplined comics / spanked comic / spanking star trek / romance comics 1950s spank / adult women being spanked by kids / spanked like a little girl / audrey spanking / superman spanking supergirl / wendy the good little witch spank / susan storm spanking / the spanking i deserve
So a few years back, I decided to check out the “Search Engine Terms” feature that WordPress offers to see what kind of search terms are sending people towards my humble blog. The results were… interesting, to say the least, and it’s been a while since I looked at the stats so I thought I’d do it again. To say it was a disturbing window into the hearts and minds of humanity is an understatement. For instance, of the top 20 search terms people used to find my site over the past year, nine of them were “spank,” “spanking,” “adult spanking comics” or some similar term. Well, never let it be said I didn’t give the public what they want. Here you go, you delightful little degenerates: a whole bunch of superhero spanking images to save for a rainy day. Don’t spend them all in one place.
2+. lesbian comic / lesbian comics / lesbian kiss comics / comic lesbian / archie comics betty and veronica panties / lesbian comic book heroes / midge kissing / lod fashond sex comics / 3 girls one guy / sex books comic images / catwoman in tentacles / miss martian nsfw / superheroes gay / indian lesbian comics / sexiest male superheroes / lesbian superheroes sex / dc comics kissin / superhero kissing / marvel comics kissing / dc comics kisses
I try to keep things around here as PG-13 as I can — not because I have an issue with sex or books celebrating that very fun part of grown-up life, but because… well, you never know when the kids might drop by looking for a bit of entertainment. So the spanking list is about as racy as it gets around here… not that that seems to stop people from stopping by in search of titillating material. What do I mean? “lesbian comic” and “lesbian comics” rank #3 and #5 in the search term list, with a whole bunch of other wink-wink-nudge-nudge terms (see above) peppering the Top 200. So what do I have that’s attracting this kind of prurient interest? Well, I did a list about controversies that arose from the inclusion of gay characters in comic books, and this post about some of the more outlandish claims in Dr. Fredric Wertham’s famous book, plus the occasional casual mention of a character’s sexuality whilst discussing them. Oh, and I have a bunch of covers showing some of our heroes in passionate embraces. But alas, I’m afraid I have no images of “miss martian nsfw” or “betty and veronica panties” or “catwoman in tentacles” to share, but if these images of heroes entangled in tentacles will do in a pinch, then you’re welcome to them.
3+. 10 superheroes named after animals / superheroes with animal names / superheroes named after animals / find the animal based on superhero / 10 comic book superheroes named after animals / animal comic book characters / comic books superheros named after animals / animal based on a superhero / top 10 superheroes named after animals / animal names based on superhero / animal superheroes / comic book heroes named after animals
Once you take out the searches related to sex and spanking, most of the people who get sent this way by the search engines of the world appear to be looking for superheroes named after animals. And that is something I can definitely help them find, with a list of superheroes who didn’t choose the most impressive animals on which to base their superhero careers. Or if that doesn’t float your boat, I’ve also got a list of Spider-Man’s animal-based super-villains, from the Chameleon and Doc Ock to a whole bunch of other lesser lights who also belong on the first list now that I think about it.
4+. comic heroes guns / superheroes with guns / a super hero with guns / wolverine with guns
Then there are the search terms that suggest some people out there are coming here looking for what I presume are images of superheroes with guns. I’ll forgo the socio-political commentary on what that might mean and give the people what they want: gun-totin’ heroes and lots of them. You’re welcome, citizens!
5+. who’s who update / official handbook of the marvel universe covers / marvel universe deluxe editions covers
One of the more challenging projects I’ve taken on with this blog has been writing reviews of every single character that appeared in DC’s Who’s Who series and Marvel’s Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe Deluxe Edition. I’m not exactly sure why I decided to do this — boredom, I suppose, since the idea came to me while traveling to work one day on the commuter train. Plus I hadn’t hauled out my old copies of Who’s Who and Handbook in years, and why not share the fun of rediscovering them?
6+. black widow bikini marvel / psylocke marvel swimsuit / morbius swimsuit / tabitha smith marvel bikini
This, on the other hand, was the opposite of fun. Oh, I had fun coming up with fun ways to mock images from Marvel’s 1990s swimsuit specials, but only to repress the memories of picking them up in the first place. The Nineties were a weird time, man.
7. conan bikini comic leak monster
Yeah, I… have no idea what this one is about. Maybe they were looking for images of Red Sonja and couldn’t remember her name, so they typed in “conan” and “bikini” hoping it would lead to her. But “conan bikini comic leak monster”…? My site’s search engine is throwing a big ” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ” in response to that. On the other hand, “leak monster” leads to a list I did recently of slightly silly adversaries from old DC horror comics, so…
8. jewel kats
Okay, this search request I can help with. Every year around Christmastime, I do an annual Gone but Not Forgotten round-up of all the comic artists and personalities who left us over the previous year. In 2016, that included some greatly missed people like Darwyn Cooke, Steve Dillon, TV’s Noel Neill… and Michelle Katyal, a Canadian woman better known to her fans as Jewel Kats. A passionate advocate for the disabled, she was the inspiration for Riverdale’s first visibly disabled teenager after she approached Archie artist Dan Parent about adding one to the cast. A wonderful legacy for a beautiful gal.
9. heavy metal trump have have nots
Back in early 2016 — when the idea of a Trump presidency was something that still possessed some comedic value — I toyed with the idea of doing a list of Trump appearances in comic books. Surprisingly, there aren’t a lot to speak about, but I did find a story from a 1990 Heavy Metal magazine by Peter Kuper that eerily foresaw the New York businessman-slash-hat hawker’s real-life rise to power. The special hats, the focus on a wall, the endorsement from boxing champ Mike Tyson — it’s all there. Weird. Eerie. Bizarre. Weird. And the strangest part is that I don’t believe Kuper chose Trump for any specific political reason; he was creating a story about the divide between the haves and have-nots in his native New York, and Trump and the Helmsleys (the main characters in his story) just happened to be the most high-profile examples of the haves in the city at that time. Like I said: weird.
10. hercules cartoon villain deadolous
This was an obvious request for information about the 1960s Hercules cartoon, which I touched on in my “Making the Grade” post about the characters from the cartoon. Also, it’s spelled “Daedalus,” but I would not blame anyone for not knowing how to spell that name. Greek is hard, yo.
11. wombat women
Also weird? The fact that someone would type these two words together in a search engine, and end up at my site. I mean, I know how they got here; when I put together a list of superheroes with less-than-impressive animal codenames, I titled it “You Know, ‘Wombat Woman.’ With the Proportionate Strength of… Actually, Let’s Just Forget the Whole Thing.” I went with “Wombat Woman” because it sounded funny putting “wombat” and “woman” together, but now that I’m contemplating the notion of someone out there searching for actual wombat women? I’m… not laughing.
12. powerpuff girls rule 34
Next! Next! For the love of God, NEXT!
13. comic book lists
Yeah, I think we have a couple of those around here somewhere…
14. female control device
Oh, come on now, people. If such a thing existed, don’t you think us comic nerds would be the first to know about it? Why, the first place the inventors of that kind of device would do is advertise right next to the ads for sea monkeys and X-ray glasses. There’s no such thing. Believe me, our best people have been on the case, and if us nerds haven’t found it, it doesn’t exist.